She lives deep down inside of our roots, usually coiled in a sweet slumber. She lets the gunk pile up inside of us until she is called to awaken. This is the story of a girl who shook so hard and then stood very still, so still, that the serpent awoke. She had spent her life running from who she truly was. This got her into all sorts of trouble. Microaggressions against her soul. Each aggression added to the pile of trash in her root chakra. Each casual encounter added to the gunk stuck on her sacral chakra. Each friend who said something unkind littered in her solar plexus. Every time she was pushed to the point of grief, her heart chakra got dirtier. With every lie she told herself, about how she was unworthy, her throat chakra closed a little more. Every time she didn’t trust what she saw, or her intuition, her third eye got more blocked.
This game of “how dirty can I get” started when she was a child, and lasted into her twenties. If I am honest, she is me and I am her. From now on I will use first person. Problems and trouble are easier in third person, and solutions are easier in first person.
One day I realized how dirty I was. I was lucky to have a mentor to talk me through healing and cleaning. First, we cleaned. With all of the gunk in my chakras, especially the root, I was always afraid. This was my main concern when I approached my teacher for the first time. I was also very curious about spiritual matters. She checked my energy, and I knew I was out of alignment.
We started with a meditation. I did this meditation every day at around the same time, so my inner child would know when to have the gunk packaged for removal. I would light a candle and envision breathing in love and light as cleaning agents, and breathing out all of the grime in my chakras. I started from my crown chakra and worked my way down through the fifteen minutes sessions. As I moved through each chakra I envisioned my inner child filling up a bucket with grime and hauling it out with my breath. I would breathe towards the flame of my white candle and envision that grime feeding the flame and transmuting into light.
When speaking to the inner child, it is important to speak from a place of love. You are the adult guiding yourself through this world. Your inner child is a large part of yourself. She wants to help you, but she needs permission and guidance on how to do so. She will happily package your harmful beliefs (the ones that make you feel bad) and throw them out for you. The key here is using your imagination, and letting your subconscious inner child mind speak.
I will no longer play how dirty can I get. I have decided that I will no longer internalize acts against me and use them as a measure of my self-worth. The game has changed and the rules are different. The main difference is now I am no longer engaging with that which disrupts the flow of my energy. I don’t feel lost and afraid anymore thanks to this meditation practice.