Times flashes before my eyes

And to my surprise

I do not cry.

I remember everything

From the way the rain caressed my skin in the countless storms.

To the lighting I chased into a holler.

I remember dancing in Paris

Drinking wine and champagne

The sounds of cicadas in the heat of southern France

The ocean kissing my thighs staying in a mansion on an island in Charleston

Jumping off a ship forty feet high, into the depths of Lawrence Bay.

Walking in Boston with heels 6 inches high, 18 miles and cool breezes go bye.

My heart breaking in two

When the one who groomed me just would not do.

Military obedience. Knock on wood and I remember my name.

Gatton Academy the smell of a dorm.

Woodsy outings every chance that I could.

Smacked in the face with a set of tongs.

My fiancé and I hating the other.

Self-loathing and doubt.

Depression in hand.

Seeing shadows and demons

All through the land.

Acid and Weed and Shrooms were my friends.

When my imaginary ones got replaces by the darkness.

And now I am dancing

My body twisted around a pole.

Earning money by snatching souls.

God and again my head is so loud.

No individual voices heard, only shouts from a crowd.

To the kitchens I go to make a dime and a dollar.

I like the men there, they know how to holla.

Brothers in arms, much more than soldiers.

We were comrades and ran the line like we were focused stoners.

Learning to speak.

Has been a long road

For I was silenced so long long ago.

Playing in solitary confinement

For most of my life

I learned to find magic

In the toughest of strife.

Then the breaking

And the quaking of my mind

Cortisol is shaking and conquesting my body.

I knew from thirteen that I saw what others don’t see.

And the frantic pace of life gets to me.

My face in the mirror won’t stay steady.

To Texas I go to find about Grammy.

Cigarettes smoked in a motel room.

I write about greed

Inspired by another groomer.

Driving for days.

Sleep when I’m dead.

I find myself patting a camel’s head.

Red leggings, no home known.

So tired am I

And safety is a pipedream.

Been on the road without a sure place

For a decade now, no wonder my pace.

Last time I lose my mind

Was flashing pedestrians looking for a Spirit Airline.

The demons surrounding have turned to angels now.

Protection found me.

Bathroom floors Breathing Rugged.

Flashbacks find me

From lifetimes ago.

I turn a certain age

And I die again

Remembering that maybe long ago I had a friend.

Someone worth fighting for and someone worth it all.

That someone is me, and for her I head the call.

4 responses to “For Her”

  1. johncoyote Avatar

    Reblogged this on johncoyote and commented:
    Powerful and worthwhile words shared.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. johncoyote Avatar

    A amazing poem shared dear Brigid. Life is always teaching us.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. brigidfaye Avatar

      Amen to that dear John! Thank you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. johncoyote Avatar

        You are welcome, dear Brigid.

        Liked by 1 person

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